Wednesday, May 30, 2012


(Quote of the Week)
"I don't think my father, the inventor of toaster strudel, will be too pleased to hear about this."

I use it frequently..

Monday, May 14, 2012

people of Walmart, creep edition.

Hello all, and happy belated Mother's day. Procrastination is one of my stronger talents, so for my mom I decided to run to Walmart the night before the big day. I grabbed her a nice bouquet of flowers, but it didn't feel like that was enough for my amazing mother. I decided to take a trip to the kitchen aisle to see what other trinkets I could find. Not many people need kitchen accessories at midnight on a Saturday, so I was surprised to be approached by a semi-dirty, unshaven man in a Hooter's t-shirt and army hat. He asked me about my mom, and the flowers I was carrying for her. He seemed friendly enough, so I figured he needed some help picking out a gift. He then proceeded to tell me how "fine" I am, and asked if I had ever considered modeling. I was really taken off-guard, and didn't know what to do. I wanted to be polite, so I listened as he gave me a "proposition"... To make this long conversation short, he basically asked me to be a naked model in a porno with his two "tall, thick and muscular" black boyfriends. He explained how amazing these black men are, how much I would love them, and how I was the perfect girl that they needed; as I stood there with what I can imagine was the most hopeless, frightened look on my face. I told him, "I have a boyfriend, I'm sorry, I can't help you..." and tried to get away from him. He blocked all exits from the secluded aisle, and kept shoving his phone in my face. "Please, can I just have your number while you think about it? We NEED you. You are just so pretty. This will change your life, I promise you will love it. It doesn't matter that you have a boyfriend." I was frantically trying to get away, but he was persistent. Finally, he asked my age. I told him, and he immediately booked it for the exit of the store. I stood, flowers in hand, jaw dropped, blood racing, and watched him leave Walmart. My parents were gone for the weekend, so I had to drive home alone, to a house with 4 sleeping children. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much that night.

There are many morals to this story, so here's my list:
1. Don't procrastinate
2. Don't talk to strange men in Hooter's shirts when you're alone... they aren't asking you what they should buy for their wife
3. Don't go to Walmart after midnight
4. Don't try to be polite to creepers. Just tell them to "Get the **** away from me."
5. And last but not least, watch this video.

Words of wisdom from: Holly :)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012